Welcome to Planet Earth. Here………..the most vast expanse in the history of the Earth, The World Wide Web. Down there, we see a tiny speck of insignifance. For there, look, we see the lesser spotted Booth as he motions down to rehydrate, drinking at the most popular waterhole of the Interneti.
Sorry I’m not sure what was about…
It’s probably all the health I’ve been having. Today has been a worrying day for me. As some of you know…I like my health, I like exercising and I’m sufficiently insecure that I pay attention to both these things in a desperate effort to avoid perpetual loneliness…that and a fat ass.
However, today I fear I’ve taken it too far. I woke up this morning after a healthy night of DIY round at my brother’s new house. I got a solid 10 hours of kip. I awoke, picked up my weary head and went and played golf with said brother. Then went for lunch, had a turkey and cranberry salad sandwich. Then, I went home, drank some milk (an excellent choice on this occasion), had a short nap and watched a bit of tennis, I then went for a run (10 k as it happens). I came home, showered and made a fuckload of sushi. I went round to my brothers and ate said sushi whilst watching TV.
My question…Have I just had the healthiest day on record? Seriously, what more could I have done?!?! I appreciate that there are athletes who probably have healthier days, but I’m not an athlete, it’s not where my income comes from. I’m a marine biologist, I’m supposed to save whales and dolphins for a living. The health…well, I do that of my own volition. I’m concerned, we all live in balance. Ying, Yang and all that spiritual bullshit. I’m worried I’ve upset the balance. What do I do? My only suggestion thus far has been to snort lots of cake (actual cake) tomorrow.
It’s not a bad suggestion, but I’d appreciate any help on this. I’m genuinely concerned…
In other news, since my last blog entry there has been a backlash of epic proportions. 50% if my readership has been up in arms at the lack of their inclusion in my last post. I apologise. All 3 of you will be included in this blog entry. I hope you feel special.
So let’s be quick…here’s a couple more “What Drink Would You Be” al a…me
John / Woody – Well John thinks he would be a fine glass of red wine: sophisticated, clean and tasty. Crock o’ shite. John is a Screwdriver. It’s a tasty drink that everyone likes. Honestly, you’ll never meet a person that says “A Screwdriver?!? Dammit!! You know I hate Screwdrivers!! Can I just have a vodka and orange juice instead?” Which brings me to my second point…it’s just a vodka and orange juice. The two most simple ingredients put together to create something tasty…but lets face it…not that special. A winner, but no Red Corvette. Scott and Stu know what I’m talking about! Sorry John. Just remember, no matter how many children you save, you’re still just a Vodka and OJ, just in glasses…
Sarra – A girl with a touch of class and elegance about her, some might even say sophistication, though none of those people are here. Anyway when it comes down to it Sarra just wants to get battered like the rest of us. So I think it’s got to be Champagne. It makes us feel good, raises us to another drinking level, but really, by all intents and purposes, it’s just Stella but with less spousal abuse. It’s the Paul McCartney to everyone elses Tom Sizemore. Somehow you get away with being shitfaced on Champagne…
To sum up…It does the job of making us feel classy when really we’re just on a mission to munterland.
Andy – let’s cut to the chase. Andy is Baileys. Another drink that everyone likes, but frustratingly is viewed as a God-like drink in the eyes of all women, though the men cannot quite see the attraction. Look, we like Baileys, we just know it’s a devilish drink that reeks havoc when mixed with lime cordial – we don’t mind it, we just wish the women would shut-up about how fucking awesome Baileys is.
Note: I know girls don’t love Baileys that much, but I think it is more likely to cross a ladies lips than a man’s lips. The exception being Ol’ Gregg – but he’s got a downstairs mix-up.
Gary – This one isn’t difficult, Gary is Guinness. It’s great, it’s a big heavy beer (I didn’t just call you fat) and it has the potential not to make you shit right for quite some time.
Doug – Doug is Carlsberg. Not the best beer in the world but you can find it everywhere when better drinks aren’t available…
Alex – hmm…This is a toughy. Alex feels she should be champagne…I disagree. Mainly because Sarra somehow managed to get dibs on Champagne. One could argue that they could be different brands of Champagne…for example Bollinger and Moet, or one could be Champagne and the other being Prosseco – a fine, but frankly cheap alternative…but I’m not that stupid. I know that would earn me a clip around the ear. Anyway, this is all by-the-by because Alex isn’t Champage. She’s a Flirtini. Like the Screwdriver it’s a complex drink. It’s sophisticated, it’s enjoyed by all but it’s difficult to make properly…and it has champagne in it too…happy now Alex? Are you?!?!?
On that subject, I’m still not sure which one of my friends is the Mojito. It’s easily my favourite drink, but it’s awfully difficult to make a good one. I’ve had 10 bad mojitoes for every good one.
If you think you can be the Mojito in my life then write a comment in response to this blog with the words “Cormac, I could be your Mojito baby because” explaining why (in less than 12 words…).