Wine Bottle Mozart

And you accuse me of wasting my time as a student…

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The hunt for number three…

Ok so I’m not the most massive Aberdeen FC fan in the world. I want them to win every week and get a bit down when they don’t but I don’t lock myself away, I don’t cry and I don’t write to the Evening Express with my views on Jimmy Calderwood. Actually, whilst we’re on the subject of Jimmy Calderwood, here’s what I think of him:

I think he’s not far off being perfectly spherical in every way.

That’s about it. I think that is a reasonable indicator of how much I care about Aberdeen. Like I said I want them to do well. They’re my hometown team and I’ll never support another football team over them (well, unless you include The Gents or the mighty Chicken Chievo (the pre-Murray 1/2 season…sorry John ))..

Anyway, since they were playing Rangers needing to pull something out of the bag secure European football next year, myself and Mozz headed downtown to watch the game (I nearly went to the game itself but didn’t know anyone who was going…). Could not find a pub showing it – Setanta was, for some stupid reason, showing the Hearts vs Killie game. Nobs. So I’m in Aberdeen and Aberdeen are playing Rangers in Aberdeen and yet I would have had a better chance of seeing it in New Zealand (with Graham…though he would’ve been miserable – from skydiving to watching football with me in just 48 hours. Ouch) or in Hong Kong (with John “feet for hands” Murray). Stupid fucking TV. Plus my Chorizo & Halloumi beefburger had too much halloumi and too little chorizo. Pah! I hate the world.

Anyway, here’s what we missed:

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C’mon the Dons!!!

UPDATE: For those of you interested, the Chorizo and Halloumi burger is available from all good Scream! pubs.  But I wouldn’t recommend it…unless it is executed better somewhere else.  What I would recommend is buying some burgers, halloumi cheese and chorizo and doing your own thing…

Mac and the Mechanics

So if you had a problem with your car you’d take it to a repair shop and hope that they’d find the source of the problem and fix it…much like doctors do. For example:

Patient: “Doctor, it hurts when I pee”

Doctor: “You have the clap”

Everyone’s happy (except the boy with the clap…who will remain nameless…mainly because he doesn’t exist…well I’m sure someone does have the clap, but I’m just saying I don’t know who they are).

So for the last 5 months I’ve been driving my car around and once I’ve been driving around for a little while the front right wheel region (it’s technical name, I’ll have you know!) starts making a noise like a grebe is trapped in it (“whoop, whoop, whoop, whoop” for the uninformed among you). It’s not very good, especially when you’re going at 80mph down the motorway and you’re terrified that some point the grebe will fall out and somehow manage to dislodge the wheel on it’s way out…I’ve seen it happen…

Annnyway, so I’ve taken my car to the garages 3 times in this 5 month span hoping the mechanics would work their mechanical-magicTM and I could drive away happy and grebe-freeTM.

No one has been able to find the problem with it…some would argue that it is probably only a small issue and not worth worrying about. That’s a fair point, but until you’ve sat behind the wheel of my “car” while this thronging, warbling, mess of a noise is drowning out the stereo, you’ve no idea what it is like Mister!! I’m a panicky person at the best of times and peace of mind is what I seek from these car-doctors…

Drove to Oban after a particularly bad weekend consisting of driving around a lot and the car sounding like it was about to fall apart…with Mrs Grebe joining her husband for the ride and bringing along their brood. After a few days in the garage I received a call and had the following exchange with the mechanic:

Mechanic: “Your suspension strut collapsed”

Me: silence “…is that bad?”

Mechanic: “Um…well yes. How long have you been driving it like this?…”

Me: silence “…uh…about 3 months…”

Mechanic: silence

So it became clear that I was quite a lucky boy and had recklessly endangered the lives of everyone that had ever been in the car. Sorry everyone…

Anyway, they put in a new suspension strut in their and off I drove happily back to St Andrews (about a 3 hour drive). Then about 45 minutes into my drive, I don’t know if I hit something, but whatever it was, the fucking noise started again!!! Argh!!! I called up the mechanics (hands-free. stay safe kids) and they explained that they had fixed the strut…I explained I was very grateful for that but the noise was still there.

Mechanic: “…yeah…but…we fixed the strut”

Me: “yeah and that is great, thanks very much, but I’m driving at 60 at the moment and as you can hear the noise is still very much there”.

Mechanic: “well we couldn’t find anything else wrong with the car”

Awesome. The fantasy noise continues. I don’t know what the hell is wrong and no one else seems to either. I’m still pissed off because the mechanic seemed almost hurt that I was questioning his workmanship – but if you went to a Doctor with potential appendicitis and he diagnosed that you had a broken leg and put your leg in a cast and you left the hospital still with your appendix ready to burst at any moment, you wouldn’t be particularly happy. Bastards. Anyway, apparently it is likely a wheel bearing but the problem can’t be that big, but “it’ll eventually wear down and then you’ll lose ‘drive’”. I’m not a mechanic but apparently when you live ‘drive’, you lose the ability to steer the car at all.

Good times.

Quite simply…the greatest game ever.

Peter gets ever so slightly F’ed in the A in the 2nd bout…and I won’t spoil the ending for those of you who make it to the rubber match.

Mona Lisa painted in MS Paint

This is brilliant…